I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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