Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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