he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
