I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
