Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
