feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
only if we run a train.
done.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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