he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
