I'm so fucking centered right now
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
