You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
