New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
