all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
