Nicole vs. Life
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
