Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
