The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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