he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
