I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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