when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
