my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
