we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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