i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
