She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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