is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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