i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
