AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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