I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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