Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
