youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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