As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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