i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
