She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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