just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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