this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
