Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I deserve this hangover.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
