ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
