Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
