the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
