Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
