For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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