yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
