There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Blood and glitter go together right?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I can't turn off my feet"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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