I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
