I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
420 ftw
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
