I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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