dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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