were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
