all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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