he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
