Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
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