Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
