why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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