Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
