In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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