i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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