His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
True but thats because hes a fetus.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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