Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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