RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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