K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
third nipple confirmed
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
