if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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